With a Little Help from a Friend

Last night I had a good talk with Carol.

I commented that this is going to be my last summer in Chicago and she made me realize that it is foolish to stick around working temp jobs for the summer when what I really want to do is move back home since I miss my family.

I can't remember how the entire conversation went but I told her that Reba McIntire's new song "Sister" made me realize that I needed ot go home. Especially since Trista is moving to Bangladesh and I do not know when I will see her again.

The fact that I am having trouble moving my arm had Carol telling me that I really need to go somewhere with stability so I can get a job to have insurance and get the treatment I need.

We also discussed American Idol and she commented "Are you sure you can handle what Simon might say to you?" Plus she added that that is only if I even get in to see the judges since they pick only certain people from the crowd. She's right. I will probably be able to handle Simon because I will take him as an opportunity to learn and improve. I did study voice and that is what voice instructors do. But, I am so self conscious about my weight. I know I am a size 10 (okay, sometimes 12) and that I have lost a lot of weight and that I am smaller than the average woman (size 14) but in entertainment I would be all over the media as the fat white girl. I know I will not be able to handle that. And, that is even if I get called back... or even see the judges in the first place. It's too much of a long shot to plan my life around it.

Plus, I know that I want to go back to Philadelphia and now is just the logical time to do it. If I get a job I am not going to go, and am I going to want to move back with mom and dad when I am 30? I'm 26 now so I might as well go now and get on my feet while I can (and it's still socially acceptable).